The Journey-in

Entering the Abyss

2009-04-25T00:11:00Z

I’ve wanted for so long to create a website to chronicle my spiritual journey but we all know how life is, we have intentions and then there is action. Finally, this year (since I know how the Law of Attraction works), I created: http:www.Thejourney-in.com.
I am now realizing that getting the website up was the easy part !

Once the website was up, I am fully grasping that I have entered… the Abyss, the black-hole of cyber-space.

There is a whole different language – html, SEO, submissions to directories, RSS feeds, PPC …huh?

And that’s only the beginning!

Anxiety grips my heart just like it does when one is entering the unknown. Will my little website – a flicker of Light in this abyss, die a slow death – obliterated by the bling, bling of the experts who have been at this for such a long time?

Oh dear God, do I just give up now?

But here’s the kicker, almost in the same moment, an analogy popped into my mind. Entering the internet abyss is reminiscent of the beginning of my spiritual journey so many years ago. I had no clue what was in store for me… what my direction was, or what the ultimate rewards would be however, I simply love how the Universe speaks to me because what I stepped away from that imagery was; just like my spiritual journey. I am gong to take this one day at a time. I am going to remain open for daily “signs” and lessons to take me to the next level, I am going to practice patience and perseverance.I am going to learn all I can from those who have been there before me...

I certainly will not give in to fear, as this will cripple my poor little website before I give it a chance. I commit to working this new experience to the fullest and I know that at the end of the day, I will walk away from this a more informed, more internet savvy participant.

The morale of the story is; when first confronted by fear which very nature cripples action, take a deep breath... trust in the sincerity of your intention and desire, trust that you will be guided and though yes, we will stumble and even fall, inner resolve and staying true to our higher purpose will guide us through the darkest corridors of the Abyss.

In light and love,

nerak

Pity Party

2009-04-21T15:59:00Z

While growing up, my method of facing life was to internalize my experiences,
more like stuffing everything inside. Eventually, I became a mess of self-hate and self-doubt. I was the Queen of a one woman; walking, talking pity party.
My theme song was - ”no-body knows the troubles, I’ve seen”.
I cried rivers as I reveled in my sense of, my sorrow is so much greater than yours.

I spent years trying to un-learn so many erroneous beliefs about myself.
If I could have realized then, how fanning the flames of my pity party
prevented me from seeing things in a different perspective and that the longer
I stayed in this state of suffering; the more I was cementing the false thinking in my belief system.

Everybody has a story to tell which is as real to them as yours is to you.
My sorrow does not make me special.
When I accepted that, it took away the “personal-ness” and I could look at the beliefs
more as bogus information in my thinking needing to be changed.
I also understood at a very deep level, that I am not my thoughts or my feelings.
I learnt how to separate my sense of self from these feelings and the thoughts that fueled them and to became non-attached to these habitual mental states. Finally, I was free from their vice-like grip.

Suppression does not work. If there is a need for a pity party, honor it…go with it, but try to keep in mind; "I am ready to let this go. I am ready to see things a different way. I am ready to move on."
Once you have released the pent up energy, it is time to leave this party and do not look back.

Embrace the dawning of a new day with your eyes fixed on the infusion of Light
(Information that plant the seeds of transformation).
Focus on being aware of the thoughts you hold that bring you down.
Affirm your new truths and rejoice that the you have made it through the dark night.

In light and love.
www.TheJourney-in.com

And the beat goes on

2009-04-03T17:53:00Z

No matter how many times we think we have messed up, or failed in our spiritual quest,
the Truth is....
there is no such thing as mistakes or failures.
If we believe at the core, that everything is in Divine Order and that the Universal flow of events
is a precisely orchestrated operation, how then can we mess up?

It is only about the experiences and the lessons.

Each challenge or difficulty (NB: no mention of mistake or failure!) is an opportunity for evolving beyond a certain mind-set.
We have been riddled with mis-perceptions and negative patterns of beliefs that keep us shackled to difficult experiences.

Whilst it can be fairly easy to understand spiritual concepts resonating within us as Truths,
the more difficult task comes in the application of such precepts as our way of thinking and being.
Hence, the difficult situations become our opportunities for the practical application to think anew.

Let us therefore, not lament our lot and adorn the cloak of self-pity and victimization instead,
let us give thanks for each "opportunity" to be re-born with the renewing of our minds.

As Bob Marley's song says... let us, "emancipate ourselves from mental slavery".

And the beat goes on...

How deep is your desire?

2009-03-25T18:41:00Z

One thing I have learnt on this path of self-discovery is the more I learn, the less I know. It is like peeling away the layers of an onion, and for the first time I do see the infinite-ness of the All-Knowing.

Awareness is the foundation of knowing. It is the practice of witnessing the self: watching our thoughts, emotions and actions. Almost like watching a movie on the screen of our minds. This is a very difficult endeavor at first, but with the practice of meditation, in time it becomes an easier process. It is a critical piece of the puzzle because without learning how to observe our thoughts and emotions, we remain conditioned to these thoughts and beliefs that keep us stuck in negative patterns of behavior. We cannot make fundamental changes before first knowing what thoughts dominate our minds.

A big part of our human psyche is the fact that we are our own worse critics. Somehow we have lost our sense of humor and are quick to chastise ourselves for the simplest seeming “screw-up”. We mentally berate ourselves with every derogatory name possible. We accept that it is ok to do this to ourselves but similar behavior from anyone else would cause us to become extremely angry.

A very important aspect of witnessing is being non-judgmental. We have been raised to criticize and point fingers rather than find solutions therefore, it will be a tricky habit to overcome, but we must make the effort to remind ourselves each time, “I am not here to judge, merely to observe.”

We make excuses for our destructive thoughts and behavior as this allows us to dismiss them without too much introspection. However, if we cannot develop an open mind to move beyond the habit, we will remain stuck in the habit. Most of the time, we find external reasons to justify why we do things. Again, in being non-judgmental, we can move away from the excuses and on to the healing.

Absorb spiritual information. If we are emptying the mind of negative thoughts, then we must fill it with information reflective of the spirit…. Information is everywhere… it is inscribed upon our hearts…discern your own truths.

At the end of the day it really comes down to:
How deep is your desire…how great your desperation?

Just do it...

2009-03-19T16:44:00Z

It has been in my mind for a long time to create an opportunity to share what I have experienced with others simply because I truly have transformed the way I think and what I believe.... to thoughts and beliefs that now make me "feel good" . Quite a drastic change from my former years.

However, the point today is, I also realize that I am stuck in the mind-set of thinking I always have so much to do..... being a single mom and everything that comes with that. Now whilst all that is true, the reality is, if I continue to think that I never have time to pursue this desire.... then of course, you know what follows.... I am manifesting that very thinking into my day to day living.

So, this is where it ends and like the popular Nike slogan, "just do it" .... and do it I shall.
Hence, my effort started here, in creating this blog to share my thoughts, insights, lessons, on a regular basis.
I am also working on my website (www.TheJourney-in.com)...yea!...with more in-depth information, techniques, poems and stories highlighting an honest depiction of the process involved in breaking free from my conditioned mind.

Sometimes we remain stuck in a particular pattern of thinking because although our true desire is contrary, it is difficult to separate our sense of self from our thoughts and those difficult emotions.
So whilst an inner desire or urge is extremely strong, our habit of self-negating behavior is stronger which ultimately ends up killing the very desire itself...

However, awareness this day has brought forth my "error" in thinking so now, instead of the customary..
"oh I don't have enough time"... my new motto is - Just Do It !

Going beyond our habitual behavior

2009-03-14T19:36:00Z

Like many of us, I have fallen into this pattern of getting comfy on a Friday night after going home from work. But last night a friend of mine asked me to go with her to a birthday party for one of her high school friends. I said yes, but almost immediately felt tired and wanted to cancel. I was just about to pick up the phone to call her when I felt a deep urge to go... after all, my inner voice said, How will you ever have new experiences if you don't expand your willingness to go beyond your patterns of behavior.
Ok, so I took a shower, drank a Redbull, all in the hopes of feeling more vitalized.

I ended up going and it turned out to be a night of surprise. Not only did I meet new people and had facinating and in-depth conversations, but lo and behold, at this same party.... was a friend who went to the same University I did in Toronto. I hadn't seen her since I left Canada many moons ago. It was great to re-connect and I ended up staying until 3:00am. I had a good time.

The huge reminder I walked away with was that the Universe is constantly providing all sorts of new experiences to expand our horizons and relationships however, if we remain stuck in our patterns of bahavior.... we will miss these opportunities and our lives remain stagnant and restrictive.

So now I will keep this affirmation with me for a while....

Always, be open to new possibilities...
TheJourney-In.com

I have changed

2009-03-13T18:17:00Z

I have been on a conscious path to change my beliefs and thoughts for the past 25 years. The journey especially in the early stages has been tumultuous to say the least, but when I consider who and how I was and who I am now, the transformation has been incredible.

It is a process which at times I doubted, I ranted and railed against but ultimately, in finding my own path, my own way made each moment absolutely worthwhile.

The point of this blog is an honest accounting of how I was able to change a suicidal mind to one of calm, and a deep sense of contentment.

I will never pretend to know all the answers but I also cannot deny the drastic change within my own being. I hope you will share this journey with me and whilst we can take so much from each other to help us on our way, at the end of the day... this is a personal and uniquely individual process and we must all look within our own selves for our answers and truths.

What this is about...

2009-03-12T17:58:26Z

There was a time I could neither control nor tolerate the thoughts in my head
nor could I endure the barrage of raw emotions coursing through my being.

Those were the darkest moments of my life.
There are some of us who are unable to regulate emotions like others
( I now understand they call this Borderline Personality Disorder).

We are the ones who want to tear the very flesh from our bodies in
those moments of emotional melt-down.
But that was then...

Today, I am no longer a victim of such overwhelming emotional dysfunction
and if I can offer any information to anyone going through similar difficult times,
then my most valuable piece of information is, to pursue the Practice of Meditation.
For many years I have been practicing meditation, a very simple technique in principle...
but one which requires; dedication, an open mind, patience and consistency.

The good news I offer is that the practice is an integral part of the transformation
of my mental state from one of absolute terror and great sorrow
to one which now preserves a "peace that goes beyond intellectual understanding"...